Miser's death

When a very miserly man nicknamed the "stingy ghost" died and went to hell, the Yama King reproached him, saying, "You stingy ghost! When you were alive, you clung hard to everything and wouldn't give to anyone. Even when you saw others in poverty and misery, you refused to offer them help. Also, you didn't take good care of your parents, relatives or friends and let them suffer and starve. For your evil karma, you'll be dumped into a pot of boiling oil."The ghost wardens then escorted the man to the pot of boiling oil, and when they arrived, he looked at the pot and said, "Hey! Wait a minute! There's so much oil in it. What a waste!Please drain out the oil, sell it and give me the money. Then, you can simply dump me in a pot of boiling water! There's no need for oil. You're using too much oil to cook one person anyway!"

Good News and Bad News

The soldiers had been marching and fighting, they were dirty, hot and tired. One day, the general announced: "My men, I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which one would you like first?""The good news!" they all shouted."OK," said the General. "The good news is that you will each be receivinga complete change of clothing." "Hurrah!" chorused the soldiers."And now for the bad news. Jack, you will change with John. John, you will change with Tom. Tom, you will change with Robert. Robert ....

Do you think I am stupid ah?

Mike and Bob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder.
"I have an idea," said Mike. "We'll throw you down,and then you can pick up the ladder."
"What, do you think I'm stupid? I have an idea. I'll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light."
"What, do you think I'm stupid? You'll just turn off the flashlight when I'm halfway there."

Skinny Dipping

One day Jimmy went down to the pond for a dip, but before he could dive in he spied his teacher, Mrs. Smith, emerging from nude bathing. When Mrs. Smith saw Jimmy, she grabbed the nearest object - which happened to be an old wooden box - and held it in front of her.
"Young man, I know what you're thinking," she said.
"And I know what you're thinking," replied Jimmy. "You're thinking that box has a bottom on it!"

Fishing

Larry and Harry drove 500 miles to go fishing. They paid a huge sum to rent a cabin, a similar about to rent a boat. They fished for three days and caught only one fish between them.
On the way home, Harry fiddled with a calculator while Larry drove. After an hour, Harry said, "Do you realize that this one fish we caught cost us almost $2,000?"
"Wow!" Larry said, "It's a good thing we didn't catch any more."

A special football match

Mike was late for school. He said to his teacher, Mr. Black, "Excuse me for my coming late, sir. I watched a football match in my dream."
"Why did it make you late?" inquired the teacher.
"Because neither team could win the game, so it lasted a long time." replied Mike.

get to the hospital

An absent-minded person was standing in the middle of a busy intersection where a policeman was directing traffic, and he kept bugging the policeman because he was confused. "Excuse me, Officer! Can you tell me how to get to the hospital?"The officer was very busy and said, "Just stand here and you'll get there!"

rich main and poor man

A man committed a crime and was arrested by thecounty magistrate. He was sentenced to be floggeda hundred times and was terrified. Fortunately, he was rich so that he was able to bribe the magistrate and pay someone to take the punishmentin his stead, offering a hundred taels of silver to a poor man to stand in for him. Tempted by themoney, the poor man agreed so the magistrate released the rich man.After thirty lashes, the poor man couldn't withstandthe pain any longer and used the money he had received to bribe the magistrate to let him go. Upon his release,the poor man went to offer his thanks to the rich man who was supposed to have been punished. "I'm very grateful to you. Had it not been for the money that you gave me, I would have been beaten to death!"

Jokes- Court Humor joke

Things actually said in court: Judge: I know you, don't I? Defendant: Uh, yes. Judge: All right, tell me, how do I know you? Defendant: Judge, do I have to tell you? Judge: Of course, you might be obstructing justice not to tell me. Defendant: Okay. I was your bookie. From a defendant representing himself... Defendant: Did you get a good look at me when I stole your purse? Victim: Yes, I saw you clearly. You are the one who stole my purse. Defendant: I should have shot you while I had the chance. Judge: The charge here is theft of frozen chickens. Are you the defendant? Defendant: No, sir, I'm the guy who stole the chickens. Lawyer: How do you feel about defense attorneys? Juror: I think they should all be drowned at birth. Lawyer: Well, then, you are obviously biased for the prosecution. Juror: That's not true. I think prosecutors should be drowned at birth, too. Judge: Is there any reason you could not serve as a juror in this case? Juror: I don't want to be away from my job that long. Judge: Can't they do without you at work? Juror: Yes, but I don't want them to know it. Lawyer: Tell us about the fight. Witness: I didn't see no fight. Lawyer: Well, tell us what you did see. Witness: I went to a dance at the Turner house, and as the men swung around and changed partners, they would slap each other, and one fellow hit harder than the other one liked, and so the other one hit back and somebody pulled a knife and someone else drew a six-shooter and another guy came up with a rifle that had been hidden under a bed, and the air was filled with yelling and smoke and bullets. Defendant: Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer. Judge: And why is that? Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case. Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have any comments on the defendant's motion? Public Defender: I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening. Judge: You are charged with habitual drunkeness. Have you anything to say in your defense? Defendant: Habitual thirstiness? Defendant (after being sentenced to 90 days in jail): Can I address the court? Judge: Of course. Defendant: If I called you a son of a bitch, what would you do? Judge: I'd hold you in contempt and assess an additional five days in jail. Defendant: What if I thought you were a son of a bitch? Judge: I can't do anything about that. There's no law against thinking. Defendant: In that case, I think you're a son of a bitch.

20 classic love hint

1 non-word love letter Methods that have been implied in the 80's popularity, but I just do not know at that time. One day, I received a letter from an inexplicable and stamps affixed to the top upside down. I recognized his handwriting on the envelope, but the envelope is actually empty. Maybe it is because the have not received a reply, he finally could not come to see me, want to come to a pile of thick white, "this time you do not have an excuse for not writing paper instead of a reply." 2 Love is associated I was first aware of it, and then only knew her. She often only dog in the evening with a walk to the park, and then later it became a good friend to me and then I became good friends with her. We sat on the bench one day of rest, I patted the dog, it said; "Tell your master, you also need to take care of a male owner." 3 divination My favorite fortune-telling with playing cards to others, so look for me to seek wealth Fuk countless friends, but I just do not count for her, but told her; "Your destiny is determined by day." She is not very satisfied with the nature. Later I told her: "My fate is determined by day, let's yuan." Fate she did not believe the results, but agree with my prediction. 4 Executive congratulating each other to see In fact, I did not understand the five elements of the operation, but put on a martial arts wizard look, grabbed her hand, "I give you fortune teller." And a letter I nonsense. And then extend my hand to show her, "Please note my palm prints and palm prints of your own." Actually said to my palm and her paste together. "What kind of know it?" I pretended to steady, then said, "This is called to be affiliated." 5 stupid than anyone else who She always say that I am stupid, because I always dance when she stepped foot. But I think that she is stupid than I am, eating a lot easier than dancing, but she has continued to tread in the table under my feet. Now I would like, or I am stupid. 6 by the cabinet also beads Novel of love between men and women are often the main character from the library began when I did not expect, and every time I find a library that he would, and then save it back to me carefully. He later in the book of the Zhang paper folder, "I love you." 7 blows She was referred to as the "Woman" because of her men all suffered from the hardship of her flesh. I can only exception, she lenient to me, boys. Later, people no longer call her a "Woman" because the men around her kind up suddenly. I can only exception is often her "independence" to fight. 8 double couple She told me very good, but the girls thought very difficult to guess. Later, I deliberately look for a walk with me old school, of course, also a girl, when she appeared, we also like to pretend is very close. She really believed it, the tears flow out almost turned and ran. I'll recover the past, stopped, she said: "You Do not be angry, I test you, now I know, I like you to do so." She smiled. We can get married is the beginning. The role of 9 photos In my sophomore year when she likes, but I do not know whether she has and I feel the same. So, I Copy and enlarge a photo of her, on her table. Her play, I let her sit down to table, and then an excuse to wash out Apple. Her books and when I read the table, the natural to see their photos below, she was surprised, but very happy, I can see the past. At this time I apologize to take care of the past said: "I beg your pardon. I like to do so, and if you are not happy, I immediately removed it." She said hurriedly: "Do not, do not, quite good, in fact, my family have a better tomorrow, I show you! " At this time, I feel no doubt of.